Local Matcha Men
Two local matcha men. Photo courtesy of Miles Dehaven.
I noticed, as time went on, more and more civilians, local to Gallatin High School, were arriving, ready with matcha in one hand, and a book in the other. Wired headphones in one ear, dangling off the neck; the wires always going into the left pocket, while their phones were always on the right. These raging discoveries had led me to inquire, what could be the cause of this craze?
When we asked our local fro’d up ginger, Isaac Pitman who the most performative man at Gallatin High is, he contacted his knowledge through his curl antennas. He stated, “It has to be Oliver Daniel Fry; have you seen his wired earbuds?” As Pitman giggled, his hair shook alongside him. To get a larger scope of information, we also asked the local karaoker, Junior Daniel LeCain, who broke into song as he said, “Mr. Asserson! This morning he made himself a matcha tea.”
The reason for this search was Ezra Rowan Graham stating that he was “sick and tired” of seeing them around. We wanted to get to the bottom of who these people are.
Before we sent ourselves off to investigate performative males, we asked local students what performative men do, and what they are. Gallatin High Junior, Matt Dahmen–a self proclaimed performative male lover–argued that books are a huge aspect, finding “They always have one, or a good one would if they are following the rules of being a performative male.” He also believes that many of them can’t actually read and would pretend to do so, while holding their chosen books upside down. Later, he explained that they choose to wear slightly baggy jeans that are just too skinny to be thought of as cool. “They got the baggy jeans, but not super baggy. They're not like skater level cool.”
We first interviewed Gallatin High’s AP Psychology and World Geography teacher because of the accusations made by LeCain about Asserson’s homemade matcha habit. When asked about his matcha addiction, Walker Asserson stated, “I drink matcha tea seven times a day.” This broadened the horizons for our research, proving that performativity can stretch all the way to our own high school teachers. We’re not too sure if Asserson is aware of the consequences of consuming that much matcha, although we’ll leave that to him to find out.
When you walk into Walker Asserson's room you can see all clear signs of performativity, from his choice of literature to a mass collection of records. One clear example includes the Fleetwood Mac “Rumors” album; “Rumors” is a classic late 1970’s rock album, and it is an overly loved album. This is a very safe choice for somebody who would want to garner attention from it.
Finally, we were also able to find Oliver Fry to interview. We had to convince him to take his earbuds out for just four minutes to listen to our questions. Although he insisted on keeping one in, we agreed to compromise..
“I am very, VERY performative,” Fry gleefully answered. “I love going on long walks, listening to Clairo and such!” he exclaimed, his jewelry clinking and clacking as he gesticulated. When prompted with Graham’s opposition, he spoke on pursuing his passions, getting into college, and double majoring in Performative Arts and Feminist Theory. “Oh, yes I am VERY bisexual, like in a nonchalant type of way, spiritually…I have a girlfriend, she just doesn’t know it yet.”
The most crucial aspect of a performative man has to be his outfit, thus, we had Oliver run us through his outfit for the day. From bottom to top, he had thrifted black penny loafers; 1/100 special edition embroidered baggy jeans; a Big Thief concert tee; an assortment of self-made jewelry; a sustainably-sourced watch (from Walmart); a bracelet from Greece; and of course, his belt. “I’ve never even been to a Big Thief concert, or Greece. I only know Vampire Empire… oh, my belt buckle? It’s a record player!” Oliver continued rambling on, “my favorite record I own is definitely Jeff Buckley’s ‘Grace.’”
To finish off the interview, we simply asked him to run us through his daily routine. “Before I get out of bed, I get some good stretches in, trying to maintain my 6’5” physique. Then, I down a bowl of greek yogurt mixed with granola and drink a lil’ matcha–100% ceremonial grade, made at home–then I hang out, ya know, read some literature, some Franz Kafka, Sylvia Plath, all that good stuff.” He then drifted off, mid sentence, and came back to say, “I need to continue my research on periods.” What actions have you taken in your research?” I asked him. “Oh, I’ve done lots of research and there’s not much I can do as a kid. But just as soon as I’m an adult, there’s going to be lots of help I’m helping with,” he said, lowering his head while raising a supportive fist.
Being able to take a sneak peak into these men’s minds was truly a mind opening experience and we are thankful for their immense insights. Through this deep research, it has been affirmed that you can pursue any interests you want and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.
